transient desires, of lust and poison. no matter what the cost, you'll prove your worth.
hoping for the grace and aide of you by my side, will i be happier if i give up.

will it bring pain to this vanity, or shed light to our sanity.

is this a trace of fame and fortune

is this signs of blame and misfortune.

act swiftly before emotions expire, and helpless fears conspire
no matter the cost, prove me your worth. and i'll purchase thee

drown me in a river of blood,
we're i'll fade quicker
surrounded by thousands, once beloved
we're in this now, feel it thicker.
intentions have faded now,
the truth stares you in the eye,
there isnt room for fear, you've won me now

Questioning, our reasons for intent, this matters only if you're no longer content. walking by these unknown beings, wondering of their comings and goings? what does it matter you question you ask, what does it matter, your care for the last? why have you selected this eye, why have you selected this lane.. its all done for reasoning unknown, its all a mystery of going alone? find a light along the path you tread, hold it dear before you're dead. the forks and bumps and roots that cripple your progression always illuminated by your companions brilliance, awareness she offers, warmth she provides, when the fires extinguishes, the chills of loneliness arrives. say it again one might ask, where oh where can i find someone as good as the last, dont look to the past, merely trek on fourth, once again, she'll come with another lit torch. That day may come when darkness ensues, you've been given your options, so recklessly refused, walking alone in darkness, it was you to chose.

i find myself lying awake waiting for the message, knowing in solitude i lay, you're laying with another. its the way you avoid me, your lack of effort to show the truth, the difference promised, truly resides elsewhere. ever so apparent the truth has become. questioning my motives, why did i fall? why did we stop to view the grass blades, should have cut it down before i let this grow. truth be told, in the lack of words said. its finally here, that chilling winter frost, that seems to kill everything promised, but its not your fault. we're all fucked up. was it worth, the decay, this heart no longer skips a beat, wilting in your chiding actions of ignorance, or was it the ignorance, thought residing in me. i can read it in your absence, mistakes made never undone, but its not your fault cuz we're all fucked up.  no reason to blame, merely to thank, this chapter written, once again, titled, what you dont want, what you dont deserve.


by the way, happy easter

and i have no one to blame
but myself for such a feeling.

caring for you is like running on glass.

every time i give you an inch
you cut the shit out of me.


watch my blood fill the floor,
i mean nothing to you
let it drip and pour
it matters not to you

so long as i give.

so long as i offer

I'll always be
a scene for laughter

what a waste
what a joke..
I've finally become.


my heart un-done
failing myself ...
the stuggle has won.
i've failed myself.

its pretty bad..

blah!

I have begun recording things again.. so forevermore still lives!

Evidently some friends and i are planning on going to the Inauguration of barack obama in dc!! if this actually happens im pretty damn stoked.

Question?! WHY the fuck are they called POT holes?? roads aren't made of pots. they certainly dont function like pots do? Pot plants dont grow in them.. I think road holes would make more sense or even... Pop your fucking tire and screw up your alignment holes. Just a random thought..

what else is new....

it wouldn't be christmas if i wasnt practically dying.

tomorrow is my last day of classes.

i cant wait.

im having mixed feelings about a situation..

i will elaborate more another day when i can gather my thoughts on it.. but it makes me feel bummy questioning things.

i need to write more poetry.

i need to write more.

i have the song Caviar by Dance Gavin Dance stuck in my head! It makes me want to sing and write more...

i'll be writing songs again. :]

So i got a wreath for my car, i was feeling festive. i was thinking of putting a big ribbon tied like a massive bow on the roof of my car so it looks like a huge present haha.. but i dont know how well that would look.

Ccsu... sucks but im doing fairly well in my classes, i should have an A in english, intro to computers, and State and local gov... Ancient and medieval politcal thought.. haha thats another story. i hate the teacher he is far worse then most. i think hes given more of a lecture on how to make noises with your mouth then the actual topic. but anyways....im looking forward to a new semester and this month or so off.

thats all for now. i'll try to post more frequently i swear.


ohh and will it snow for real damn! i wanna see white!

so i got my dental surgery today.. i was shaking horribly while waiting to find out what they were going to do to my mouth.. when i was told i would be awake and only getting novicane for the procedure.. i began to tear up and cry.. the nurse was old but really sweet and wiped my tears. The dentist was fast and very kind.. i think more of them should work like they do, and perhaps people wont be so damn afraid all the time. well then he poked and punctured the infection.. suched it out did that surgical shit.. and then he extracted the tooth..in a non conventional way.. and very fast.. however i didnt feel shit during the procedure.. an hour after my god it began to get very very painful... vikadens really arent doing much.. hopefully after tomorrow i should be feeling chipper.

by the way.. ramen noodles and vanilla ice cream.. really arent satisfying my urge to eat a monster burger from red robin.. :[

i miss my sister and big brother terribly.
i really wanna hang out with my buddies.
i miss nika too.

im tired.

but otherwise life is okay.. :]

goodnight all.

i got hired at hot topic in meriden....

of course as soon as i got home hot topic of westfarms mall called me asking to set up an interview.. wtf i apply to you first and hear from you 6 weeks later it took meriden mall 2 weeks.. ! bumcheese.


anyways things are getting better and better for me..

i can wait to see where this path leads me.

im so happy.

Lets see..

interview with hot topic thursday.
talking to nika is pretty amazing :]
life is just well
my mother and i are getting along perfectly.
her boyfriend and i are okay..


im  happy

awesome.


cuz this girl nika is amazing...


<3

Well i had this huge rant about how much W. sucked but my kitten was typing a bunch of things as  she walked all over the keyboard and then managed to hit the back button so.. i guess i'll just simplify the post.

W was a horrible failure, a shitty boring movie a waste of two hours, i had more pleasure bitching about it in an angry tourettes fit afterwords then i did the entire film..

Girls i have no interest in shouldn't want to date me... it makes me feel like shit thinking of a way to say um.. no sorry  im not interested at all.

This weekend is going to be awesome..


Jeskas costume makes me lol for real. shes frigging adorable. i wanna see her asap.

my kitten meows and i dont know why, when she has food, water, a littler[(typo) hahaha... <--- Hitler is now a shit collecter for cats].. anyways she just meows randomly i wish i knew what the hell was being said.

goodnight all.